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I guit my job to take care of mom

June 6th, 2008 at 07:52 pm

I was a hard decision but one I felt I had to make. My mother had a stroke January 2008. She spent three weeks in a rehab facility and then was moved to a nursing home where her Medicare would pay for 110 days of additional rehab. The nursing facility was less than one mile from my office so I was able to visit her everyday at lunch and then again right after work. I am an only child so while her sisters and my daughter were able to visit her some most of the visits fell to me. After losing my BIL to suicide less than one year ago, medical problems that I was recovering from and a co-worker that was out with medical leave I was feeling major stress. When my mother was set to be released It had come time for me to decide her future. She is only 79 years old and while she had recovered somewhat, I was told that she would not be able to live on her own again. I had been at my job for close to 20 years, had a good retirement plan along with a 401 k plan. It took both mine and my husbands salary to live on. What to do, what to do? Since my mother did not have any long term care insurance in order for her to continue to stay in the nursing home she would have to lose all of her money and then apply for Medicade and possibly lose her home which would be her only remaining asset. After discussing all of this with my husband and my mother it was decided that I would quit my job, move mom into our home and I would become her caregiver 24/7. My mothers Social Security income plus a little retirement that she received would replace my take home pay. I thank God everynight that I was able to make this decision. It is when you have to make a decision like this that you realize that nothing at all is important than your loved ones. It has been a tough week and I am so tired but I love my mom so much. My husband is the best for supporting me in this decision. We may end up losing some of our things if we have to cut backbut it will be worth it.

11 Responses to “I guit my job to take care of mom”

  1. NJDebbie Says:

    You have a lot of things going for you... a kind heart, a good husband and your mother's love. God bless you for doing what your doing. Don't forget to take time for yourself and that great husband of yours.

  2. Thrifty Ray Says:

    I did this a couple of years ago. I was able to refi our house and roll most of our bills into a single payment. I stretched the money my husband made as far as I could and made it a personal challenge to cut our bills back (especially food) without feeling like we were sacrificing.

    I didnt have to buy new clothes, cut my own hair, wore makeup only for special occasions and handmade gifts. And it worked. I was able to care for my dad for two years. He died this past December- and I am forever grateful for doing the right thing.

    Hugs to you for doing what you are doing. You are a daughter to be proud of...I know your mom appreciates you and you will realize richer blessings than a paycheck would ever provide.

    Be sure to take care of you...and make couple time for you and your hub. Good luck!

  3. Carolina Bound Says:

    Sometimes in life you just do what you have to do. Your mom is so lucky to have a loving daughter like you. You will make it financially if you put your mind to it. Best of luck to you!

  4. fern Says:

    I think you made the right decision. I worry sometimes about what i would do should my mother, also in her 70s, should have a problem living on her own.

    Very best of luck to you. Thank God your husband does support your decision. You can make it work, just like Thrifty Ray.

  5. scfr Says:

    What a tough decision ... God bless you for what you are doing. Your husband sounds like a swell guy.

  6. managinglife Says:

    Your DH provides a strong support system for you! Check with your local community for information on elder care via the internet. Every community through the state or local government have programs that are in conjunction with Medicare provide support to the caregiver and the elderly. The programs are sometimes free or at a low cost. I highly encourage you to seek a support group for caregivers. You are blessed to make this choice for your mother.

  7. koppur Says:

    Blessings to you and your Mums!

  8. nance Says:

    managinglife is right. There are programs available for both elderly-handicapped, and caregivers. You might start by contacting your Area Office On Aging, or the Adult Services Department of your local Social Services Department, and inquire about services for the elderly.
    Most states have a program to keep seniors out of nursing homes. In my state it is "Home and Community Based Services". It is income based, but the income doesn't have to be terribly low, and it can make your mom eligible for lots of services, like Medicaid, Adult Day Care, Pay for family providers, etc. I used to work in that field, so I know it is a great program if one qualifies. My mom was on it, and she went to an adult activity program during the day, that she loved. It was free, and they did lots of activities, crafts, received great meals, and did field trips. It was good for her, for socialization, and getting her out of the house to be with other elderly people during the day.
    As much as you love your mom, you are going to need a break and need time to yourself. Been there done that!
    You are doing the right thing.

  9. klbb90 Says:

    So glad you are able and willing to do this. Blessings to you and your husband. Just be sure to schedule time for both of you to have relaxed along time the stress can be overt and insidious.

  10. Dido Says:

    Bless you for what you are doing for your mom! She is very lucky to have you--and you are lucky to have your husband's support and the wherewithall to make it work. Good luck!

  11. anajwinton Says:

    Good luck

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